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 LOVE
THAT WORKS: The 12 Foundation Stones
It’s amazing how many
millions of us pair off with someone we genuinely love, get married,
have children or not, then ultimately see our primary love
relationship end in divorce or deteriorate into a numbed out
existence with our partner or become mired in addictions that
eventually destroy all our relationships.
The most preparation any of us have for this major part of our lives
called marriage and family is what we experienced in our own
families of origin. A few fortunate ones among us may say, “I only
hope my marriage can be as strong and loving as my parents’ was.”
But too many of us learned unhealthy and dysfunctional patterns of
relating to those we love.
It’s as if we’re given the task of driving a standard-shift
automobile with no clear instructions, no manual, and no positive
personal experience to guide us—only an imaginary picture in our
minds of what driving a car should be like. So, “doing marriage” has
been a form of uneducated, unsupervised on–the-job training.
Statistics on marriage and divorce let us know how poorly we’re
doing, if left to our own devices. Being able to sustain and enjoy
long-term, committed love relationships calls, I believe, for
significant education and learned, practical skills. When couples or
families come to my office to work on their relationships, I begin
teaching them what I’m calling the Twelve Foundation Stones, so that
they can begin building a love that works.
The Twelve Foundation Stones are a simple way of identifying the
underlying dynamics that can do great damage to our relationships or
even destroy them, if we remain aware of them and their effects. And
we need this awareness in order to benefit from the positive
potential that lies buried within these Foundation Stones.
Although I began writing this book to assist my clients in their
therapeutic work, I’ve come to see its broader application to anyone
wanting a healthier, more enduring marriage. It’s become clear to me
how much our society romanticizes and mystifies love. So much so
that very few of us know how to sustain a long-term connected
relationship when the “good stuff “ of Romantic Love evaporates, to
be replaced by the Power Struggle’s pain. We have difficulty
associating work and effort with love because our definition of love
between two partners is so heavily loaded with only the romantic
version. Generally, partners wreck their marriages, then one or the
other concludes that he or she has “been hurt so deeply that the
damage is irreparable.” Blaming our partner for the pain is much
easier than recognizing and acknowledging that we, too, have been
doing considerable damage of our own.
The purpose of this book, then, is to help partners understand in
practical and simple language how they hurt one another—usually
without intending to—how to stay connected through the rough times,
and how to work through their differences, instead of bailing out,
shutting down, and retreating into a frozen reactive stance. My hope
is that this enlightenment of the Twelve Foundation Stones will give
couples a head start in restructuring their relationship. I welcome
the challenge and opportunity this work provides, for if we know all
the systems operating—The Twelve Foundation Stones—we can better
master the course. My book is designed as a starting point for
understanding these dynamics. As you begin to read and explore, I
hope you will be inspired to start anew with your partner to carve
out the marriage you have both always wanted.
THE 12 FOUNDATION STONES:
- The Power of the
Unconscious Mind or “What in the World Made Me Do That?”
- Let’s Talk About Feelings
or “How Does That Make You Feel?”
- Learning to Handle Anger
or “I Can’t Believe You Got Mad Over a Little Thing Like That!”
- Emotional Safety in
Committed Love Relationships or “How do We Get Back To the Good
Stuff?”
- What is Reality? or “Where
Did You Ever Come Up With Such an Idea?”
- What Our Past Can Teach or
“Getting Mom and Dad Out of the China Cabinet”
- Healthy Adult Boundaries
or “Where You Stop and I Start”
- Matching Up The Stages or
“Well, You’re Acting Like a Two-year-old!”
- Addictions or “If You
Really Loved Me, You’d Stop Doing That!”
- Stepping Out of the Victim
Box or “But It’s Not My Fault!”
- Getting Real or “Are We
Ready To Tell It Like It Is?”
- Your Partner is As
Emotionally Healthy As You Can Tolerate or “I’m Not Sure I Know
Who This Person Is Any More!”
To read Chapter 12
click here
Your Partner Is As Emotionally Healthy as You
Can Tolerate
“I not sure I know who this person is any more!”
pdf
Book price:
$15.95
·
S&H: $2.95 for one book
Texas residents add: 8.25% sales
tax.
For purchases of more than one item, regular
Ground Delivery Fee is charged, plus 5% Handling Fee.
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